Monday Afternoon (10-19-2009)
While driving home from work yesterday I heard a radio commercial exclaiming that the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo would begin selling tickets for two packages of shows beginning Tuesday morning at 8:30 am. The first package included performances by the Jonas Brothers and Tim McGraw; the second package showcased Brad Paisley and Brooks & “Done.”

If you’re not from Houston, let me explain Rodeo Houston: The Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo is big….real big…like as big as Texas big. Every March, Houston dedicates three weeks to celebrating all things rodeo (bull riding, horses, chuck wagons, cowboy hats), and a concert featuring mega-stars is incorporated into each rodeo. Tens of thousands attend daily and proceeds go to provide educational scholarships to local kids. Since 1957, over $130 million has been given in scholarships – which is pretty awesome!

Now although I am not personally fan of The Jonas Brothers…I have an 11-year old and 14-year old niece who have drank a lot of the Jonas brand Kool-Aid. So as any good Uncle would do, I decided that it would be a great treat to purchase tickets and surprise them with a chance to see their version of the Beatles LIVE!

To try and outsmart all of the other tween parents I called the Conceriege Service that comes complimentary with my American Express Platinum card – since one of the perks that they market is the ability to acquire performance tickets prior to general release dates.

The young man I spoke with at AMEX was incredibly polite, but explained that the Houston Rodeo does not permit early ticket purchases. He quickly offered to have a colleague purchase my tickets on Tuesday morning at precisely 8:30 am. I was impressed, so I said sure…”but you’ve got to make sure that it’s done right at 8:30 am because the good seats will sell out in minutes!”

I explained that I wanted 4 seats…best seating available…after all, nothing is too good for my niece, right?

He explained that he could not give me a specific price for the seats, but stated that the front row seats were $300 and the next best seating was $75. Knowing that the $300 seats would already have been sold to the sponsors, I agreed, but reiterated the importance of doing this right on time.

He then read some terms and conditions: “you are giving us authority to charge your card…blah, blah, blah….non-refundable…blah, blah, blah…I said “Sure, that’s fine, but again – please make sure someone does this at exactly 8:30 am.”

Tuesday Morning (10-20-2009)
I woke up early with a splitting headache, which I hardly ever get. After enjoying some coffee and a walk with K9Bella, I started thinking about the Rodeo tickets…doubting that a big company like American Express would actually take care of the request right at 8:30 am, as promised.

At around 8:20 am I went into my home office and decided to pull up the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo website – just to check it out. I was also considering whether I should order some tickets “just to be safe.”

While looking around the website, I didn’t see anything about ordering tickets for those two shows, so I kept looking around. I saw a link for Season Ticket Information so I thought I would take a look at what the full lineup was set to be. (Yes, they do offer season tickets for the Houston Rodeo…I told you it was big down here) Interestingly, when I clicked on the link – there was a “Buy Now” link to order Mini Season Ticket packages. So I clicked it just to see if those “best seats” ($300) were still available – and hoping/expecting not….but they were, so I quickly backed out and then I noticed a press release stating that the Mini Season tickets were going to be available for purchase starting at 8:30 am on Tuesday, October 20.

It was 8:26 am.

Then I noticed that there were two (2) Mini Season Ticket packages – one included performances by the Jonas Brothers and Tim McGraw (all other performances still to be announced) and  the second package showcased Brad Paisley and Brooks & “Done” (again with all other performances still to be announced).

It was 8:27 am.

Suddenly, it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I ran through the house looking for my phone and then back through the house looking for my wallet.

I grabbed my AMEX card and threw it over to find the number to the concierge service on the back…I started dialing…then I had to press “1″ for this…and “2″ for that…meanwhile I am having a panic attack!

A lady answered and asked for my account number, which I mumbled through to quickly tell her that I had an emergency…that I needed to recall the request to purchase tickets I’d made the day before…that was likely occurring as we spoke.

She put me on hold.

After four or five minutes (which felt like an entire season of 24), she returned to the phone to explain that she had run over to her colleague that had my account/request pulled up and was just about to hit submit on my order. She stopped him just in time.

Then I explained that based on the radio commercial I had heard, I was under the assumption that I had ordered 4 tickets to the two (2) specific shows mentioned. I was completely unaware that it was a Mini Season Ticket package which included NINE shows.

The “best seats” for the “package” are priced at $6,000….Six Thousand Dollars…and they were still available….understandably!

I had requested 4 tickets, which would have cost me $24,000….Twenty-Four Thousand Dollars…OMG!!!!! I literally came within 45 seconds of having $24,000 worth of tickets to smell horse shit and listen to the freaking Jonas Brothers!!!

At that moment, I felt the amazing sensation of tremendous relief and embarrassment simultaneously…what I assume a Rodeo Clown must feel like after being chased by a bull and just barely surviving. Therefore, I am the Unofficial Houston Rodeo Clown, sans a red rubber nose.

My soldiers guardian angels put in a full day’s work before most even get out of bed.

It all started off as innocent as could be, with a broken garbage disposal. I headed off to Lowe’s to purchase a new disposal and one of their friendly associates explained that they would come out and install it for only $84 (which I found rather insulting). How hard, after all, could it be to replace a garbage disposal – even for a novice “do-it-yourself-er”? I would soon find out.

The next morning (Saturday) I gathered all of the necessary tools and embarked upon removing my old garbage disposal and installing a new one. Six hours later, I was finished (and sore). I tested out the new disposal and then ran a load of dishes…everything was running just fine. At least for a few days.

On Tuesday evening, while making dinner, I started to hear a strange psssssssssssstttttttttt sound in the kitchen, which I tried ignoring for a while. After about 20 minutes, I looked down and my tile floor near my kitchen sink was covered in water. I opened the cabinets to find a leak spewing from some connector attached to some hose that was inserted into some pipe. I quickly turned off the water and went to get a batch of towels to soak up that which I had tried to ignore.
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After dinner, I got my tools and flashlight out and attempted to fix the leak. I was successful. The leak was fixed, but in it’s place were two new leaks coming from other tubes connected to other pipes, so I turned off the water valve and decided to leave it till the next day.

On Wednesday I made a trip to Lowe’s seeking advice and of course left with a bag full of parts that I had no idea of what they were or what they did…but I had parts, regardless. Wednesday evening I went back under the sink and went to work on the two new leaks. After a few hours I had successfully fixed the two leaks….only to discover three new leaks. Figuring that this was heading in the wrong direction, I turned in for the evening.

Thursday came with two additional trips to the home improvement stores and another attempt to resolve my plumbing crisis. I was fully aware that at this point I should have just called a plumber (even the associate at Lowes suggested this by providing me with a business card of a local plumber) but my ego was on the line…definately a guy thing. Thursday evening I spent several more hours under the sink, tinkering away. I turned the water valve back on…no leaks. While laying under the sink, I reached my arm up and turned on the faucet. Water was running and no leaks. After several minutes I stood up and realized that my maid had inserted a stopper into the sink, which was now full of water, and instinctively I inserted my hand into the sink full of water and removed the stopper. Flood gates opened – this time the entire drain was leaking. Within seconds I had a sink full of water all over my kitchen floor.

On Friday, I made two visits to Home Depot and one to Lowes, buying more and more parts and seeking any advice I could get. Appearently, all of the leaks were associated with my reverse osmosis water filtration system that was installed underneath my kithcen sink. By the time I figured out how to fix everything, I had broken numerous critical pieces that are not available at Lowes or Home Depot.

Saturday morning I resolved to purchase a brand new water filtration system ($150) and simply start over. Six hours later, I had successfully installed the new reverse osmosis water filtration system and had resolved all of my plumbing problems.

During the period of one week, I learned all about P-Traps, compression nuts, valves, drain pipes, tube fittings, pvc pipes, etc. I also had spent over $500 on the new disposal, new water filtration system, parts, tools and three trips to the chiropractor. The lesson I learned was pricess however – “A man’s ego can become quite expensive.” A lesson that I am sure most women already knew.

Pharmacy themed parody of Elton John’s Billy Joel’s “Piano Man.” Thanks to Mike Stegeman for correcting my error!

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